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Sometimes you gotta lose ’til you win

November 15, 2010

Life is full of so many highs. As a beginning runner, you hear about the potential of experiencing a “runner’s high” which will come upon you and energize you in the middle of a run. People ask if you have experienced it, and you say, “not yet” and then one day, it hits you in the middle of a run and you know what everyone is talking about. I imagine that is the same kind of feeling that an energy drink gives you, although I’ve never been interested in trying one. The downside of experiencing these highs is that they are followed by lows. The runners high only lasts so long and if you’re doing a long race, you have to finish it without that extra help and there is a reason a 5 hour energy has a number in front of it.

Yesterday I experienced one of those natural highs that life offers you. I took the day off from homework and work stress and experienced true “me time”. I did a little bit of shopping, and then spent the day with my family. I saw my Grandparents, who I don’t go visit near enough. I visited my sister-in-law and my niece and nephews. This visit resulted in the biggest hug ever from my niece, Zoe, and pure awe at just how smart my nephews are. I then got to go spend the rest of the afternoon/evening with my parents, sisters, brother-in-law, future brother-in-law, and niece, Lexi. I don’t feel like I express to them enough how much they mean to me. I got to sit for about an hour with Lexi laying on my lap. There is no feeling in the world quite like that. To top the day off, my Cowboys won their football game.

Given my great day yesterday, I was hit with the low today. Maybe I caused it myself, or maybe it is just happened, but I have just been a little down today. I can’t help but wonder if my time will ever come. I think I will make a good girlfriend, and eventually a good wife and mom, but for some reason things just aren’t happening that way for me. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong. I try not to focus on it so much, but it’s hard to ignore what you want so badly. Right now I can excuse it with saying I am so busy with school that I don’t really have time anymore anyway. In a month I will be graduating, however, and I won’t be able to use that excuse anymore. What then?

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