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Ups and Downs

August 9, 2011

My moods have been really up and down lately. So much so that I have drafted both a completely positive blog update and a completely negative blog update tonight.

And promptly deleted both of them.

One minute I will be completely happy with how things are going. My half-marathon training is going well. I love starting off my morning with a run, even if it means waking up super early. My run this morning was especially well because it was a little cooler than it has been in a while and I was able to push my pace. I have a pretty good class this year at school and I am really liking the new curriculum they bought for us to use. I am a week away from reaching Lifetime on Weight Watchers, so that goal is almost reality. I got to spend a great night with my sisters this weekend, which was really refreshing.

So many positive things happening.

And then a negative mood hits. And I realize that while my training is going well, I still fear injuring myself and not be able to complete the half. And while I like my class at school this year, I don’t love my job. And even though I am a week away from lifetime, I still struggle daily with making sure I am staying within my weight range. That is especially hard since I have been back at work. We are required to eat lunch with the kids. We are not allowed to bring in outside food or drink. So my choice is to either eat what they are eating or wait until 3 to eat lunch. I eat breakfast at about 6:30, so that isn’t really an option. I try to do as good as I can. I will eat the vegetables and fruit and only do the main dish if it is healthy. And then when the kids leave, I will make a bag of popcorn or have some other snack. It has gone okay so far, but I just worry that this is going to lead to me hitting up the candy dish on a regular basis or choosing to eat some of the unhealthy meals that they serve. It is a constant struggle. And then there is the fact that all of my close friends are now married or in relationships. And I’m the last single one. Yeah..I knew it was bound to happen, but now it is here. And I am 100% happy for all of them, but at the same time, I can’t help but feel a little lonely. As much as I tell myself that my time will come, sometimes it just isn’t comforting.

I know the bad moods come and go. This one will too. I just felt like it wasn’t doing myself any good to lie and say things were great when they aren’t necessarily.

They will be.

Maybe tomorrow.

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